“Thank you” to all who have read the previous two parts of Ezra’s story. We have been so encouraged to hear from all of those praying for our family from all around the world! We have also heard from families whose lives have been touched by his story, and we pray that this trend will continue. This will be the last part of the chronological story of Ezra’s short life, but I will continue to share about our sweet boy and how his little life has affected ours in such significant, lasting ways!

While the labor and delivery of our sweet baby boy was painful and exhausting, perhaps the most trying part of the entire experience for me were the next few hours.

Paul called our families to tell them of the news of Ezra’s birth. We hesitated, at first, to share the news because we knew that they were exhausted from travel and would have just returned to their hotels to finally rest. However, our nurses warned us that Ezra’s body was deteriorating quickly and that by the time our families arrived, they likely would not be allowed to hold him.

They were happy to return to the hospital to comfort us and to hold their new grandson. We all wept together over the loss but marveled again at God’s handiwork evidently seen in the tiny details of our little boy. We shared the name we had chosen: Ezra Coleman. We all agreed it was the perfect name for our handsome boy (I have a post written about his name to be shared later).

Our families returned to their hotels to rest and give me time to recover. I still had to pass the placenta, and we dreaded the possibility of a D&C. Though I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I worked along with my midwife and doctor to avoid  this possible surgery. After two tiring hours, it was able to removed! We praised the Lord for a quick delivery- just 15 hours of the projected 1-3 days! My doctor shared with us that this was the fastest still birth delivery she had ever witnessed! We were so relieved and so incredibly thankful the Lord had answered our prayers!

Ezra had been taken away to have his newborn pictures taken by a professional photographer on staff at the hospital. The deterioration along with the manipulation of his body for pictures made it difficult for us to continue to have him with us in the room. His unsettling smell, cold skin, and deteriorating limbs and appendages were too much for this mommy’s heart to handle. We spent a few more minutes saying goodbye to our sweet boy and thanking the Lord for the few hours we were able to spend with him.

We called our nurse to take him from our room, and we wept at the thought of not seeing him again. Paul reminded me, however, that this would not be the last time; we would see our Ezra walking on streets of gold! What a comfort Heaven is!

I would rest as much as I could until I was released from the hospital on Wednesday evening.  My doctor wanted to keep me for monitoring, but we were anxious to get home, to see our daughter, and to prepare for Ezra’s memorial service. We promised my doctor that I would remain on strict bed rest until we held his service, and he was understanding enough to let us go!

While I was relieved to go, the full weight of the past two days’ events hit me as I sat in the wheelchair to be taken out of the hospital. That room, the only place where I knew my son, would soon hold someone else happily embracing their bundle of joy. We would soon be home, where we would try to live life as normally as possible while hurting inside from the crippling loss of our child.

The nurse sent Paul ahead to get the car, and for the first time I felt alone. The teddy bear given to me to avoid leaving the hospital with empty arms was not enough to comfort me. I tried my best to hold my emotions intact as we passed hopeful, waiting families. I felt their stares and saw the pity in their eyes, so I stared at my hands where I held my precious boy’s tiny knit hat.

I waited for what felt like hours for my husband to arrive in the circle with our car. I’ve never been so happy to see him! He held my hand the whole way home as I stared in silence at the long road ahead. 

The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit (Psalm 34:18).

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