Sometimes, I just feel inadequate, incapable, and honestly, good-for-nothing. In just the two weeks since beginning deputation, these feelings have been intensified. There is a constant, though unspoken, usually self-inflicted pressure on deputation. You want to leave a good impression. You want to represent yourself and your family well. More importantly, you want to present your heart for the country the Lord is sending you to and the work He would have you to do there. I often feel like our church planting and training goals are lofty ones, and people must be laughing inside thinking Paul might be able to do it if he had a more outstanding wife. These thoughts are not from the Lord.
I know this because I remember, God uses weak people. Gideon was “the least in his father’s house” (Judges 6:15), and Samson, the strongest man, was only strong when the Holy Spirit was upon Him. I am, and everyone else is right that I am not the help my husband needs. What he wants to do, what we want to do can only be accomplished through HIS power, not mine or even ours. In doing so, The Lord receives the most glory because we can’t say, “Look what we did!”. We have to say, “Look what God did!”
I am small and inadequate. I am a good-for-nothing, broken vessel, but He wants to use me if I will allow Him to work in my life. He gives me purpose, and He will help me accomplish His task for me. He would not ask me to do something he would not enable me to do. In his power, I can be a help to my husband and a servant who brings glory to my Father’s name. Praise Him for His power and goodness! I can’t wait to look back on our life and our ministry and say, “Wow! Look what God has done!” Whatever it may be, I know it will be far beyond anything I could have done. After all, I am good for nothing. So thankful He is good for everything, for everyone, all the time and that his strength is MADE PERFECT in weakness! It is just amazing to me that he would use the weak, like me, to do work for his kingdom! We serve a an incredibly gracious God!
1Co 1:26-31 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence. But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.